Sleep and movies and icecream :)

Such inspiring words from my teeny tiny litool sister.

Actually when I found out that I was gonna be delayed again. It broke my heart, literally. Especially now, seeing my friends change uniforms. It hurt, yes, it may come out as bitter. But it’s true. Bitter ko, but there’s nothing much I can do about it now, can I? After days of moping (not really) around, I started seeing this in another prospective. My friends say, “Sige lang. Atleast di kaayo mo mugasto kay isa ra inyo grad party ni Nikki.” or “Unsa man imong g-dali-an? Okay rana uy!”

My friends cheered me up, then I suddenly realized that whatever happens, I am always accountable to it. Whether I passed or not, it was because I strived hard for it. And that made me feel good (—a little bit.)

People ask me what year I am now, and I get confused what to answer. What really sucks though is that, it’s like everyone is depending on me to pass with flying colors because I have lesser subjects. Hey, that does not immediately mean I always pass. Haven’t people heard of “makatapol?” Well, I guess not.

This afternoon, I had a talk with Shobe and we talked about school. She told me what she wanted to accomplish and even said, “so that we’ll graduate together.”
In that moment, I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of where I am now. In fact, I should be even proud. Yes, I am delayed for 2 years now, but atleast I’m not giving up, right? I’m still giving my MedTech career another shot. Who the hell is counting anyways? As long as my family is still backing up on me with this one (thanks for the tuition, dad. hahaha.), I know I can still do it.

As for me graduating along side Shobe, who’s 2 years younger than me, I don’t even care about that anymore. They say that 2 is better than 1, let’s see how true that is. lol. What I’m looking forward to is the graduation present we’re hoping to receive (maybe we can finally travel to the city of love ? *Crosses fingers and everything else* Hehehe.)

I’m going to be a good Ditsi and help Shobe pass 3rd year. We’ll be like Batman and Robin, battling this course together. HAHAHA.

Oh yeah, and to those who are trying to use my sister to get notes and test papers, well, best of luck to all of you because I assure you, my sister will always come first.
Because blood (either with anticoagulant or not) is always thicker than H2O.
—> lame medtech joke. HAHAHAHA.

Class representative of BSMT4B for Mr. && Ms. MedTech 2012! support my frieeends! YouDaWan, #Era && #Louie! :3  (Taken with Instagram)

they never fail to make me laugh :) 3 of the few important boys in my liiife <3 i lablab my babies :) #cousins #nephew #happy #illinois #summer2012 (Taken with instagram)

One of my lioness sisters is turning 21! Alright, alright, Kimberly Jane R. Dy is actually 21 years old today and by the looks of it, she has come a long way since last year. Well of course, she’s done with college and “helping” out the family business; she became a responsible adult, but her room’s still a huge mess; she took over what my mommy have left and at this young age, SHE BECAME A MOM! HAHAHA. Okay, okay, I’m kidding. She ain’t pregnant or anything because to tell you the truth, she ain’t fond of kids, nyahahaha. But she did become a Mom to me and my younger sister, Nikki.

So to my tigress wild sister, Happy birthday! I know you have been making padungog2x to me that you wanted a surprise for your special day. Too bad I can’t come home to surprise you with matching cakes and all craziness and thingamajigs. but I know that I can’t wait for you to come and visit so that we’ll celebrate your birthday the way we do! You know what I mean, we’ll maxx out our CCs and hope that Daddyy won’t get mad, we’ll just tell him that it’s your birthday and maybe we might get away with it. okay so here comes the serious part.. tenenenenenenen.

I know words can’t explain how stressed you are with all the stuff you have been juggling ever since Mommy died. And believe me, being a student while having to make asikaso things in the office is not easy. Heck, I’m still wondering how you do it. You’re definitely a unique person, and did I mention a loud one? Yeahp. Dear sister, your loudness is out of this world, I have never met someone talk like you do, well, actually I do, ME! HAHAHA. Actually, I am lost for words because I don’t know what to say to you actually. You have everything a girl could hope for (well not really. You ain’t rich and thin. HAHAHAHA.), you have accomplished so much this early in life and I’m so proud of you. I know that you’re still having second thoughts about your “promise” to Mommy but know that whatever your decision may be, I will always have your back.

Thank you for being my first friend in the world, thank you for helping me with problems I couldn’t handle alone; for not letting me face the world alone; for always being there ready to kick someone’s ass for me (I know daghan na kau biktima ani, haha.); for being my make-up artist; my stylist; my all-around-friend; for all those late night chitchats; for all those lubot2x moments when we were younger; for pushing me down the stairs when we were racing; for being my punching bag when we fight; for all those hideous, embarrassing moments when we were kids and I know there’s A LOT. HAHA, BASTA! Thankyou for everything :D I wish you all the best && I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND KEEP YOUR THINGS IN THE PROPER PLACE. You’re 22 alreadyyy! LEARN HOW TO DO IT !!!! HAHAHA.  I cannot say anything because I can’t think straight anymore so here are a few quotes that sum everything I want to say to you but I can’t manage to put it all in sentences:

“The best part of waking up in the morning every day is to see you in the bed next to me and know from the bottom of my heart that there is someone who will catch me if I ever fall.”

“There’s nothing more comforting in the world than knowing that you have a dear sister who you can call in the middle of the night and simply rant your worries away to. “

“You’ve been there for me every time?
To save me from trouble
To make sure I am grounded
To give me the best gift possible
To give me the right advice
To keep me away from vices
To make a good fool out of me and have fun
In short, you’ve been the best sister ever and I wish you a very very Happy Birthday.”

Happy Birthday, Tabuchi, you mean the world to me. Love you <3 

Xoxo,

Ditsi

Mother’s Day is finally here && sometimes I wish I could run up to my Mom and give her my tightest hug and slobber her with kisses the way I used to do when she was still here. Awwww, I know people are probably thinking I’m making all these just so all y’all could feel sorry for me. NO. I most certainly do not need your pity, because I’m dedicating this blog post to my Dearest Muumm.

It’s has been more than a year since my Mom left and it feels like a part of me went with her. I cried, screamed and mourned for our loss and I have been yearning to hear her voice ever since. Guilty as I could ever be, I get jealous whenever I see my friends hanging out with their moms. The way they laughed, hugged and kissed makes me want to turn my head the other way so they won’t see me cry because I know that I used to do all those stuff with my mom. I miss everything about her. From her toes to the tip of her hair strands; her laughter with matching jiggling of the tummy; her eyes that get so big when she’s mad; her voice when she’s supeer pissed that she calls me, “ALEXANDRA!!” or the way she says, “ditsi” when she makes lambing; her kisses; our tight bear hugs; the way she spoon feed me when I get sick or I’m just tired to use my hands when I eat; the way she makes me her hot chocolate; the way she makes a mess in the kitchen every meal especially dinner; the way she greets everyone in the office; the way she pretends that our dogs are babies; the way she yells at us to clean our room; those times I knock on their room just to sleep next to her; the way she combs my hair; those times when I couldn’t fall asleep, she’ll stroke my hair and hugs me real tight; the way she assures me every time I feel depressed, she’ll always say, “everything will be alright.” And lastly, I miss her voice.

It’s my second Mother’s day without my mom and I keep on forgetting that she’s not here anymore because I keep on looking for things that I could give her. I know my friends and probably everyone will be having Sunday lunches or dinners to celebrate Mother’s Day, I wish I could say the same for me. But no, I’m spending Mom’s day alone since I can’t go home to CdO and celebrate it with the rest of the family. So to all Mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day! I know being a mom isn’t as easy as what people think. But I salute you for all the sacrifices you have done and the love you shower your family. You are a one of a kind. And to all children out there, I can only say this: Cherish and Love your mom like it’s your last day here on earth. Tell them you love them before its too late and give them the respect they deserve.

And lastly, to my Mommy: Happy Mother’s Day, Ma! I know you’re watching over us now and I’m pretty sure you’re laughing at all the craziness we do. I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy and safe and STILL FAT. HAHAHA. Thank you for all those years of TLC you gave us and I hope that somehow along the way, we have showered you with the same. I love you with all that I am, I miss you so much and I’ll forever be missing you.

P.S. Why you no pakita in my dreams?! Pirmi lang ila Atsi, Nikki and Daddy? Uuuggghh. Unfair, Mommy, Unfair. =P

His bruised and weakened body. The mocking of the crowds as He passed. Walking to an execution of a crime He did not commit. —it weighed only 1/3 of the original cross Jesus carried. && boy, was it heavyyy. start Holy Week right, go visit Walkway: Reflections on the Station of the Cross at Bonifacio High Street :) (Taken with instagram)

ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE && BE HAPPY OF WHAT YOU ARE.

the only thing that annoys me
most is when people tell me i’m FAT.

Yes, I am perfectly aware of that. You see, I grew up in a family that has great fondness for food, and no, I do not mean we’re slobs or gluttons or whatever they call it. I mean, we know how to appreciate food because we were taught to never waste anything, even if it’s a teeny tiny bit of food. who wouldn’t learn to love food if you have my mom as a cook?

Yes, my Mommy was a rockstar in the kitchen (biased mode). She’d watch cooking shows on The Lifestyle Network (her favorite show) almost every night && the next day, she’ll be in the kitchen whipping up her own version of food. She made variety of foods, from native dishes to Shabu-shabu, from home-made cornedbeef to sushi, from leche flan to maja blanca. My Mom loved to cook for us && of course, we loved to eat her creations.

It’s so obvious that i grew up with flabs hugging my body. I was chubby && i didn’t care.
People used to tease me about my weight when I was young && I learned to put a game face on (but actually, i was frantically calling Atsi to come and rescue me). With all those years teasing about my weight && calling me “FAT”, I learned to just shrug it off && later, talk back at the people teasing me, with hurtful words that will definitely hit them on the face. Plus, with sisters like mine, you have to learn how to shrug it off, when we were kids, we call each other names that can actually hurt us but also, it taught us how to be strong. So, try teasing me now && I won’t even feel a thing, I won’t even think about what you said but I’ll be definitely thinking about what I’m gonna say that will feel like I slapped you hard. It’s like being Bitch-slapped, only worse. (HAHAHA.)

I tried losing weight, I did. && it actually worked. But then, summer vacation comes && we’re off to another foreign land. Foreign land = foreign food.
Who wouldn’t get curious with a foreign cuisine?
HAHA. && yes, i come back with another layer of flab on my body. HAHAHA. And it just goes over and over and over again.
Just like a wheel. LOL.

I entered college && i tried once again to lose weight. I couldn’t say I completely succeeded because once I lost it (weight), exams bombarded us, so it’s hello notes && food. HAHAHA.
Once final exams ended, i tried losing weight again. I danced, jogged && even dieted :))) Yes, I was that desperate to lose weight before I come home; because everytime I arrive home before, people around me kept saying I gained weight, like, WTH?! Cut me some slack please! I barely have enough sleep then you expect me to worry about my weight?! Psshhh. So i worked hard and it paid off because I lost a little bit of my weight. —&& as usual, people can’t notice it because I have a Fat Ass with Huge Hips (—Hey! I’m not complaining!). I went home && I was glad my sister, Atsi, noticed that I lost weight. It made me feel a lot better.

I went to my parents’ office && someone greeted me with a, “Sus! Perte na gud nimung tambuka?!” —can you say MEAN? My confidence level was from 10 to instant 0. When we got home that night, I instantly ran on the treadmill && diet-ed. Did that for a few days, && I lost a bit of my weight. Couple days later, I was all set to go out, when one visitor went to the house. The first thing that that person said was, “nag sige naman ka ug padako oyy! paniwang na gud!”
I got so pissed, I didn’t answered the person right away && gave him/her a plastic smile. Good thing Atsi came to the rescue and said, “nag niwang man xa karon kaysa before.”
Alas, I ran on the treadmill && tried to diet.

Up until today, I thought I HAVE TO lose weight so I can fit in. I wanted to look like people with slim figures. I wanted to lose weight. period. (&& for private reasons too.) But today, I grew tired of all this wanting to lose weight. I should not try tolook like other girls, every single one of us is unique && special in our own way.
So why the hell did I just realize this now? Because I was staring at my arm & I realize that it was small. Small as in, I thought I lost weight. But then I look at my reflection at the mirror, I saw bits of blubber (haha.) but i couldn’t help stare at my wrist, I could see the bone popping out, && also, my hip bone was visible.
It dawned on me, I AM NOT FAT. I just have a bigger built.

And I also remembered what Atsi told me. No one will ever notice if I lost weight or not because I have a Huge Ass & Wide Hips thus, giving me that curvy look (FEELER!) Not to mention, I was blessed with full chests (Thankyou, Lord!)
So, I will not run on the treadmill to look like those stick thin girls out there, nor will I diet to be like those thin girls. But I will do it because I want to live a healthy life.

&& besides, let’s just say this has become a constant saying, “Unsaon ang chix kung bati ang dagway? Flat lagi ka ug tiyan && so is everything else (sa makasabot lang).” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against thin girls out there. I just learned to embrace myself && accept that I will never be stick thin. It’s just not me, kung muniwang ko ug todo mura ko ug masakiton. ew. (LOL.) I’m happy with myself now.
“Bahala tambok, sexy man sad. mao gani naai TAMXY (TAMSY? TUMSY?) diba? TAMBOK NGA SEXY?”

So to all people that always shove my fatness to my face: FUCK YOU ALL.
I maybe Fat, but atleast I’m
not ugly. I cannot say I’m pretty (actually, I can. Ingon si Mommy gwapa ko. Ang mu kontra kay selosa, hahaha.) but I can say, I have ONE UNIQUE PERSONALITY. (echooooos, alex. bwahahaha.)

I’m a BIG girl living in a BIG world.

Oh yeah, Y’all are just living in my BIG world, so if you can’t handle all this smexyness i feel for myself, YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT. I DON’T NEED YOU OR YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY AROUND ME.

—-
Yes, I love myself too much now. Because I loved a lot of people all these years that there was barely left for myself. So this is my way of compensating the love I lost all those years :))) I’m not making any sense but I don’t care. BWAHAHAHA.

BTW, Just so you know, if any of you will ever tease me about my weight or about how I look at all, expect a SMILE && ONE NASTY RESPONSE because I WILL get back at you. You just have to watch your back :)
*evil laugh*

@thekittyrawr  (Taken with instagram)

Maulaw man sad ta sa kaputi nmo ditz! - @thekittyrawr (Taken with instagram)